Friday, September 21, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
TT Gore
"Why can't you leave good enough alone?" they ask.
"Why can't you live and let live?"
"Shut Up already!" they say.
"We get it things were bad, you were hurt, but you did some things too, you weren't innocent in it all."
And they would like for you to be silent...to just let it go. BUT YOU CAN'T...not because you are bitter, or because you are still hurt and in pain. Not because you are out to get someone or that revenge seeking is your goal. You have laid every thing you hold dear and true on the line simply so that somehow, someway, IT CAN STOP. So that ppl can learn a better way. So that families can heal and new legacies can be born.
Every soul isn't sweet and every soul isn't hardened, but many of us have places within our hearts where both exists. We each have our own sorrows and stories...the hardest part is sharing them so that others can learn from them. Taking the brunt of the pain so that some one else can hide under the shelter of our proverbial lashes...so that they may not have to feel them as harsh.
I don't know the details. I don't know the pain or the thoughts that ppl keep in your family. But I know abuse and it crushes the soul and plants horrible roots that spiral out of control. It makes us make bad decision and become things that we would want to be otherwise. We become cowards in fear and hold on to the one emotion that makes us feel powerful: Anger, until we exist in the realm of hate. I have seen children of abuse create stories to forget. Stories to make it not so bad. Stories to somehow make it so that mommy or daddy wasn't a bad person...because in their minds being a bad spouse somehow must mean they were a bad parent...while this is not true at all. And we run in fear instead embracing the truth...in abuse hidden is the seed to a legacy of much more pain for generations to come. Whether this abuse comes in the from of spousal abuse, child abuse, substance abuse or family violence.This is statistically true and proven. This is emotionally and mentally and psychologically true.
And So I say to when they say why can't you let it go... YOU CAN'T. Your story is needed not to shame your ex or your children or his current wife and daughter, but because the pain and hurt of abuse is real. The admittance of wrong is important in the breaking of the cycle. The humbling experience of embarrassing your own self, showing your own weakness and bad judgement is needed. Your children's anger and downright denial or different point of view is needed. Because someone is going through far worse than you did...and they need to know its ok to be right here in this place and time and be the one that says YOU CAN'T....You can't hit me anymore, you can't rape me anymore, you can't call me out my name anymore, you can't steal from me anymore....YOU CAN'T and if anyone including my own flesh and blood doesn't understand that then that's ok...because YOU CAN'T...so I CAN LIVE.
We are only existing when we allow abuse to permeate the soul of our lives. We cope and hide and swallow breaths quietly trying not to be exposed. And that is not living...and we teach it to our children who process it in their own ways. Often processed as you were weak, you were a problem starter, you did things too...is the typical rationale because being a child in an abusive situation you can't control is painful and even as adults very confusing until we begin to deal with our own version of the truth. And it takes the acknowledgement that I am only existing here...AND THE DESIRE TO LIVE..to begin to heal...
You can't stop...but always keep your heart right.Because that is where the change comes from. A heart willing to Live and Heal so others can too. Seeking to be a voice for the victim is a calling, but definitely NOT an easy one. I am always praying for your strength and your health. May Love continue to work through you so others can learn how to say YOU CAN'T too.Sending you much Love. ~TT
I had a very pleasant conversation with my new friend Bill. Since my nephews death Angel Trinidad I have not been quite the same; the truth about my ex-husband Chief of Police Keith R. Sadler in regards to his history of Domestic Violence has been exposed.
My trial in Lancaster, PA against retired State Trooper Anthony Suber and how we proved he dragged me with the State Police car and left me in the middle of the road bleeding and begging for help but the jury did not find him liable….How my children decided to continue to protect their father and his history of Domestic Violence. My relationship with my children is strained but….I will continue to love them. Just recently one of Keith’s buddies was at my gym and informed me I was bitter….I truly believe he was hoping I would become confrontationist. So many would people have mistaken my sadness for bitterness.
I am not bitter but....sadden how the system, how our Police Departments our Courts, our Government has mistreated so many children, women and men; when it involves domestic violence.
As I told Keith’s friend, “I will never stop or give up.” I will continue to do as much as possible to help my babies, my sisters and brothers of Domestic Violence and Police Involved Domestic Violence.
Much love,
Author Rosaura Torres
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